the severed head

This Body is scrambling for a sense of worth, identity, and purpose. Sometimes fiery, sometimes skiddish, but more often than not, clueless. This body is running, but weak. Its circulation is limited and limbs are going numb while major organs are failing. Its a sad sight. Too much for the weak stomached, this pain is loud and the stench offensive.
Where is the Head? How was it lost? Was it stolen or strategically removed? It is one of the heaviest of all the Body parts…perhaps the other parts felt it was weighing them down. No wonder there is no true order, no fresh ideas, no stability. Its no wonder. We’ve lost our mind and need to come to our senses…oh wait there’s no way to calculate or understand them. We’ve lost our sight, our hearing and our voice. We have no memory, no intuition. We run cold. We run without direction. We run pale and dumb. But none the less, we run…but never to the Head. Never ever to the Head. Strange.



Goats. Looking for toys, not wanting to commit to an occupation. Just looking for a job. Just on the hunt for a quickie…the biggest boom the least extraction. Goats.

Goats. Overlooking the loudest subtlety. Shades so cool their clouded. Fire so dim it more resembles a gas leak…the biggest boom the least extraction. Goats.

Goats. Stuffing their mouths while He goes hungry. Speeding by in their comfy cars while He asks for some change. Worshiping in their fancy buildings while He has no place to lay his head. Goats.

Goats. Good for Fire. Great for kindling. Replaceable. Expendable. Cheap cheese, even cheaper milk. Tough. Stubborn. Bleeeet. Worthless Goats.

***He will answer them, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you failed to do one of these things to someone who was being overlooked or ignored, that was me – you failed to do it to me.’ “Then those ‘goats’ will be herded to their eternal doom, but the ‘sheep’ to their eternal reward.”
Matthew 25:45-46

Who am i?

Who am i to say anything at all? Who am i to have sight and an awareness at all? Who am i to say this is necessary and that is not? i don’t know. i really don’t know. i am just Julia. i am just a girl who wakes up in the morning, checks the time and descends out of bed. My feet ache. My head feels heavy. i drink coffee. i take my time getting ready. i pause…and pause and just think about stuff as i am reminded or provoked. i eventually make it outside. i get in my new, but dusty car and head out. i turn on talk radio and listen to the opinions of the natives. i don’t get bothered by traffic unless i am late and possibly disappointing someone. i pick up my nanny kids and give them the attention they need. i straighten up their house so they can experiecnce some order and so can i. i read a bit. i stare a bit. i watch Ellen. i make dinner. i fold the laundry. i check on the homework. i exit as their dad arrives. i drive home or to small group or to church or to praise team practice or to choir practice or to somebody’s birthday celebration…Who am i to think i know anything at all? i don’t know.

Who am i to say He needs me? Who am i to say He loves me? Who am i to say He is here with me? i don’t know.
He said it…not me. He revealed it…not me. He allowed it…not me. I stood by and watched Him unfold. This I know…I know it very well.

For indoor use only

Get untangled. Get situated. Get accquainted. Get comfortable. Get ready to burn brightly. Get plugged in. Get it straight. Get heated. Get used. Get noticed. Get replaced. Get it?

This is the journey of the light that is for indoor use only.

Outdoor lighting is an attraction from afar. It draws the spectators in. It pulls on their curiosity. It lights the path. It reveals direction and signals a warning.
Outdoor lighting is strong and durable, prepared for variations in weather.

Get untangled. Get the heck out. And Get to shining. Get it?

Pretty holsters and shiny apples

Iconoclasts: Episode w/ Quentin Tarantino + Fiona Apple—

Quentin: “Here’s the thing. They can write a mean letter. They can write a mean memo, but these guys don’t really have any real fight in them. If you’re a real artist and you will go all the way, if you’re an artist as opposed to a careerist and your movie is more important to you than a career in this town…they can never beat you. You have a loaded gun in your waistband, in your belt. You’ve got a loaded gun and its filled with bullets. And you know you’ve got what it takes to put it in their face and blow their heads off. You have what it takes to do that. If you know you can go there, its about NEVER taking the gun out, its about NEVER touching the gun. Never raising it. Never pulling the trigger. Never blowing their heads off. Its about not going there, about not doing it. But you know you can. So if you have to flash it, It means something.”

Guess I’ll ask for a pretty pink holster for my birthday=)

The insecure church

Poodles are considered excellent watchdogs and that makes perfect sense to me. But I find as the days get darker, the poodle spends much energy and attention guarding the things that have no pressing need. They have their say and are adamant in protecting policies and traditions which carry no eternal merit or consequence. This pushes me to a place of utilizing every scripture I can dig up on grace to keep me from shaking it all up with one fell swoop. I bite my tongue and respond gently but firmly, if there is even an allowance for response at all. Its not that I know all or see all. I don’t. Not even close. But I know Him and I see the obvious. I see the striving and the insecurities. Why is the church so insecure when we have a Father that is very aware of who He is. He had the strength to proclaim “I am the I am”. In that statement He declared His supremacy and sovereignty. There is no other above Him, before Him or after Him…He’s it!
We are the church. The body of Christ. We are here to serve His purposes and not our own. We exist to build His Kingdom and bring Him glory. We are no longer of this world. We don’t need to subscribe to their ways and their prescriptions. We have an advantage. We have favour. We have full right to operate both in the natural and supernatural realms. Why do we limit ourselves to such a cookie cutter, culturally submissive operation?
So the Pup says, maybe we should change this and add that, since that’s how so and so does it and I bite my bottom lip. It doesn’t make me angry, it makes me sad. Not only does our God own the cattle on a thousand hills, but He also owns the ideas of 300 billion humans. Why don’t we utilize more than just a few of them?

poodles on parade

I don’t want to get angry with the way things are, but I have to admit I am frustrated. It just seems as though there is so much wasted energy in the church. Everyone is running around doing something, but what are we accomplishing? What are we building?

I surveyed a few church websites recently and took a special interest in reading up on the ministries they offered. Most of the ministries offered were for the purpose of the weekend services. Ushers, Music, Greeters, Media, Parking Lot, Children, Youth, Translators, Custodial, etc. If we took away the “Service” could then the church find any other way to serve? The bigger the event, the more energetic hands needed, the more smiling faces required.

Remember when the church had ministries that served people beyond the armspan of a Service. Meaning, the Church itself is a service to everyone within reach and even beyond. The fact that people gathered made it church, the ‘Service’ is our ritual. I enjoy services for the most part. I like to sing songs with friends and smile and look pretty and even more than that I appreciate the encouragement through the word and the challenge to live louder when a decision is made by a “new comer” to choose Christ.
I go to gather. I go to hear. I go because it is a part of what keeps me healthy. I go to Give. I go to have conversations and experience the presence of God with others and not just on my own. I do not go to be entertained. I do not go to find the answers. I do not go to be noticed. I do not go to meet God.
So sometimes when I am walking through the double doors and I see the “festivities” beginning and the folks are taking their places, and the serious faces are speaking into hidden mics and the singers are awaiting their cue and the video roles and the lights begin to dazzle, I whisper to myself, “Oye with the poodles already”. And then I stand and courteously join in.