Archive for the ‘ Vintage Blogs ’ Category


If I had not senses perhaps I would not know what it is to be present.

If I could not touch you and feel your touch how would I know of your warmth?

If I could not hear even your faintest whisper how would I know of your thoughts?

If I could not see your reaction to my movement how would I know if I pleased you?

If I could not take in your full scent how would I be able to understand your history?

And if I could not taste your fruit how would I know the depths of who you are?

I sense a situation brewing.  I seem to be moving into unmarked territory.

I perceive a hesitation of delivery.  I believe I have delayed my own arrival.

But beyond these senses lie the element of surprise… I am awaited.

*photo by Julia Kate


What I understand

23 May 2008

Current mood: awake
Category: Religion and Philosophy


St. Francis of Assisi has always been my favourite Saint.  You have to pick one!  He’s mine.  He has even become my expletive in times of need.  For so many reasons I feel a connection with the man who spoke with birds and experienced stigmata.  His conviction concerning extravagance sets well with me, but my deepest revelation from his life was his prayer which reads…”Lord grant that I not so much seek to be understood, but to understand”. 

There is something so primal within me that craves the comfort of being understood…not only heard, but understood.  But to be understood you dissolve much effort and leave with no gain.  To seek understanding is to wisely steward your energies and your intellect.  There is an acknowledgement of your place in line when it comes to truth.  You are not the giver, you are the sharer.  He gives the truth, for all truth comes from His knowing.  You share His truth, for it is not yours to “give”. 

I get it.  I understand why He desires so deeply to be known.  We desire to be known because we desire to be loved.  We feel that if somehow all the evidence of who we “are” was looked past then perhaps who we think we are could be known.  “I do that, but that’s not me.”  “I look like this but its not me.”  Its rubbish.  This is us.  This is me.  This may not be the me that I hope to portray, but this is the me that has consequentially arrived.  The problem resolves when we understand that this is us…the complete us.  The “us” we know, the “us” we are, the “us” we hope to be, the “us” that pretends and hides, and the “us” that is the loudest. 

But He is and just is.  There is no Him that hopes to one day be Him.  This is not because He is done, but because He is unchanging.  He doesn’t grow.  He doesn’t figure things out.  He doesn’t digress.  To know Him is to know Him forever.  

I want to know Him.  I want to understand what He meant when He took the time to speak out loud.  I want to understand all that He allows.  May the great mysteries be revealed if it means I grow in understanding of Him.  

Though it take skill, I will be clear.  He was clear.  He is clear.  He was not always understood.  He was however, always clear.  He spoke in parables.  He spoke through Creation.  He spoke through His decisions.  He spoke through His favour.  He spoke through His disappointment.  He spoke clearly.

A prayer by Saint Francis :
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred . . . let me sow love
Where there is injury . . . pardon
Where there is doubt . . . faith
Where there is despair . . .hope
Where there is darkness . . . light
Where there is sadness . . .joy
Divine Master,
grant that i may not so much seek
To be consoled . . .as to console
To be understood . . .as to understand,
To be loved . . . as to love
For it is in giving . . .that we receive,
It is in pardoning, that we are pardoned,
It is in dying . . .that we are born to eternal life


Currently listening :
Fall and Winter
By Jon Foreman
Release date: 2008-01-15

L’amour viennent

10 May 2008

L’amour viennent
Current mood: exanimate
Category: Life

Oui je pense à l’amour.
Oui je désire l’amour.
J’ai su l’amour, mais pas d’une manière que je préfère.
J’ai vu l’amour, mais pas d’une manière que j’avais espérée.
Indiquez-la. Prouvez-la. Versez-le dehors . Laissez l’amour aller.
J’attends l’amour avec des mains ouvertes et un coeur sain.
L’amour viennent.

Gonna go ahead and get grown

19 Feb 2008

Current mood: creative
Category: Life

I’d love to wake one day and know what it all means.
To open my eyes and truly feel a part of this existence.
I am uncomfortable in the presence of secrets and maneuver their keepers to let it seep, but He is not of the same kind.  He is righteous in His withholding.  He is pure in His intentions.   He is the guardian and initiator of all that is truth.  So I want to know.  I want to see.  I want to be let in on the “what’s next”.  And He allows for some revelation, some sight, and some strategy and I nod in acceptance.
I love that we all identify and empathize, but we all still remain very unique.  Your experience is not my experience.  Your struggle is not my struggle.  Your view is interesting to me, but definitely different than my own.  There is an absolute truth, but we are in search of it.  We are humans seeking, humans being…humans doing and humans growing.  Moving through this life, quick enough to catch the drift, not so quick as to miss the view, the moment. 
Tears dry.  Bruises heal.  Flesh mends itself.  Pain eventually subsides…eventually. 
Hope remains.  Peace is present…always. 
Grown gets the great.  Grown gets the gritty.  Grown gets grown by grace.  Grown gets grown by the grueling.  I’m gonna go ahead and get grown.

The seed sown is natural; the seed grown is supernatural –
same seed, same body, but what a difference from when it goes down in physical mortality to when it is raised up in spiritual immortality!  1 Corinthians 15:44 msg

Grown Women

17 Jan 2008

Current mood: accomplished
Category: Life

Inspired by Grown Woman by Mary J. Blige and life in general=)

As I sway down the aisle, eyes meet.  His eyes, her eyes…it don’t matter.  Struttin’ and swaying is reserved for the grown woman.  The days have added sense and the years have increased wisdom…I’m a grown woman.  I won’t chatter like a child or risk gaming with a heart, when speakin’ my mind is the privilege of a grown woman.  I answer yes and no with the same strength, fully aware of what won’t work, still figuring what might…I’m a grown woman.  30 years.  30 years.  30 years!  I’ll shout it.  There’s no shame in this Dame.  I am so lovin’ being a grown woman. 

I ain’t showin’ what need not be shown.  I ain’t sharing what need not be shared.  I ain’t wantin’ what need not be for me.  A grown woman is fully aware of her allure.  She handles her appeal with grace.  The boys are fans, the men are contenders.   

So grown women keep struttin’, lovin’, encouraging…doing the things a grown woman does.  In case you didn’t know…now you do… I’m a Grown Woman! 


Currently listening :
Growing Pains
By Mary J. Blige
Release date: 18 December, 2007

Living openly and expansively

10 Dec 2007

Current mood: creative
Category: Life


2 Corinthians 6:11-13 (Msg)

Dear friends, I can’t tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide open, spacious life.  We didn’t force you in.  The smallness you feel comes from within you.  Your lives aren’t small, but you’re living them in a small way.  I’m speaking as plainly as I can with great affection.  Open your lives.  Live openly and expansively!

I had the opportunity to take it easy this morning…woke up slowly, had a cup of coffee, took an aleve to soothe the weekly Monday morning headache & settled in to watch the tribute I DVRed on Ruth Bell Graham. 

Now Fernando Ortega sings ‘Give me Jesus’ as the tribute closes and I am inspired to truly live the life granted.  Billy Graham calls Ruth the best Christian he’s ever met.  Ruth thought she’d never marry…she had devoted herself to foreign missions and to many at the time that was like joining a convent.  She met a man who had the same drive and heart.  They were a team made in heaven.  It had been said of her that she rarely came across preachy, she just liked to talk.  But after a conversation with her, you were provoked, motivated…somehow changed.

She wrote a poem that spoke of her “address”.  Her home address was with her Father God, her work address was wherever He desired to place her on this earth.  She was here to work and enjoy the fellowship of those she worked alongside.  This is a life lived openly.

How important her thinking was to the success of this partnership.  If she was pulling her husband to fit the standard of this culture and not understanding the “Big” life God was calling them to, perhaps Billy Graham may have had his hands tied and would have shrunk to honor his marriage commitment.  

There are many examples of ministry marriages for us to note, but Billy & Ruth Graham is by far my favourite.  Beth Redman, wife to Matt Redman (author of The Heart of Worship and many other amazing worship songs) spoke of a similar understanding.  She recognized the bitterness that was brewing within her concerning the pull of her husband’s calling.  She had translated this pull as though the ministry was pulling him away from her and their family.  She soon learned that this pull was actually pulling her to be a part of the family’s calling.  She was not seperate from this calling, she was instrumental in it.  She also soon realized that the course of her thinking could’ve ended in forcing her husband to shrink and not push forward to what he was on earth to do.  Now when Daddy’s gone, its not that “Daddy has left us”, its “this is who we are”.  Knowing who you are is always freeing.

T.D. Jakes was talking today about not being able to produce what life demands.  He said something so strong.  “Its like advertising a product that you do not have.  Living on a level that you’re mind is not ready for.  Can you handle the pressure that comes with the ‘blessing’?  To whom much is given, much is required!” What am I talking about…I am talking about partnership.  When you have linked up with someone, the question must be asked…Who am I now?  Who am I in this equation?  What is my role? 

Can greatness match up with mediocre?  Only if mediocre understands that it is just greatness in waiting.  But if mediocre decides that mediocre is its genuine self, then greatness will eventually feel the tug of roped hands and unless a break is made, greatness will begin to figure a way to live out his greatness in a very small way.  So small in fact, that it would take a magnifying glass to even notice you were in the presence of greatness, since at first glance greatness now appears mediocre. 

To be continued…


Currently listening :
By Fernando Ortega
Release date: 05 February, 2002

Make my day

13 Nov 2007

Category: Life

I have no subject matter to make a point…no topic to keep you entertained in conversation. I have no reason to even share except that I feel the need to type.

I get this warmth, this magnetic reaction to the sound of a voice, a rhythm that draws me in. I can feel…I can share…I can go there. Goose bumps, butterflies, tingling toes…I want to go there. Charm, beauty, intellect, compassion and wisdom….reveal it and I am there. Truth be shared, I miss the warmth. Hope deferred, yet my heart is not sick. I feel His warmth, but there is a warmth that He intended to be drawn from another source. Without jealousy He understands. I am not preoccupied, I am just allowing this moment. I have never wanted what she has or what he has but have discreetly desired what He has for me.
That he be warm
That he be kind and tender hearted
That he be passionate
That he be a warrior
That he be wise
That he know truth
That he be protective
That he be a teacher
That he be a student
That he be a mentor
That he be a disciple
That he be creative
That he be himself
That he be aware, very aware
That he be merciful
That he be GENEROUS
That he not be intimidated
That he not be inferior
Make my Day.

What would you add to the list?