a sunday school prayer…*(repost)

ever since i was a little girl in sunday school, there was a prayer i’ve prayed, a certain request i’d make, a deep hope i had developed, a desire that i couldn’t seem to let go of; “Dear Jesus, I pray that they would see me how you see me. I pray that they could hear your voice clearly. I pray that you would help them to be nicer, sweeter, use softer words, and be kind to me. I forgive them and love them. Amen.” i prayed this prayer in regards to nearly every influential male in my life… i prayed this prayer for 30 years. last year i let it go. it was the prayer of a little girl desiring softness from hard men. it was the fantastical prayer of a little girl that may as well have prayed for piano playing monkeys for Christmas or to one day marry a prince. in a moment of sobriety, i let it go.

i don’t pray as some have prescribed. i don’t ask for change in others. i am not arguing whether or not that is biblical, i am stating that i don’t do it. “Dear Jesus change their minds. Help them see your truth.” in my life, people haven’t changed from my prayers. harsh words didn’t soften, and apologies weren’t offered. but i grew colder and sharper from my frustration. i questioned God and the limitations of His dominion. it wasn’t good for me to pray this prayer. this prayer sucked the sweet and tender nature right from my heart.

i don’t pray that the Church would change their mind, or see truth. i don’t pray that they’d see us how He sees us or hear His voice more clearly. i don’t pray that God would help them to be nicer, sweeter, use softer words, and be kind to us. i just ask Him for strength, His grace and wisdom, His perfect peace and unwavering mercy. i ask for His presence, His provision and His protection as we walk out this journey.

and in letting go, they are released to their conscience and the freedom of their will…

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  • Comments (8)
  1. this is…..sound doctrine…

    Mommykins

      • JuliaKate
      • January 11th, 2011

      …….thank you;)

  2. Hence the reason I Ike you just the way you are

      • JuliaKate
      • January 11th, 2011

      thank you friend

  3. I don’t know if it’s pain I feel or a lack of words. No, seriously. I guess that’s not a prayer I ever thought to pray. GIRL you are SWEET. I think my prayer stemmed from “nobody ever likes me” and I’m so thankful that God helps me with that every day.

    Something that just hit like two days ago was the word BLAMELESS. If I hadn’t already picked my One Word I’d probably change it, but nevertheless I’m seeing that it’s not up to me to change others or soften others, and no matter how hurt or scared I feel about someone’s unkindness or non-attention they give me it’s about MY actions MY thoughts MY ….ouch.

    You. Are. Awesome.

    I shall call you blue!

      • JuliaKate
      • January 12th, 2011

      exactly. my motive couldn’t be to change what hurt me about them, but who i am regardless of how i am treated. thanks for reading and commenting and i think you’re pretty awesome too;)

  4. my heart aches with yours, for the hurts you’ve endured at the hands of so many who claim Christ. your statement that those prayers “sucked the sweet and tender nature right from my heart.” — i get that. deep in my heart, i get it. hopes unfulfilled, prayers (seemingly) unanswered… they pile up and at the bottom of the compost pile, hardness starts to settle in. mixed with bitterness and heartache and doubt. so badly wanting to trust today that He will meet you (and me) right there, with the prayers we are now praying, and gently till up the ground of our heart. that we might still be “sweet and tender”, no matter what comes our way.

    i love you for your amazing courage. keep speaking, my friend.

  5. Even a repost is timely my daughter. I still weep when I remember…my wondering why someone so sweet and precious as you was treated with sarcasm, harshness, slicing words and rude abruptness. Wanting to protect, I sometimes became louder…but alas…today it is better for me to be silent! Your spiritual posture is at its best – grace applied for those left behind, with movement towards those who celebrate the wonder of you! I rejoice in your strength, forgiveness and willingness to let go – as it demonstrates a truer courage.

    My weeping will continue in this lifetime, but I continue to hope in the day when weeping no longer is needed – in His absolute presence…

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