on the road to Somewhere…*

i once had a friend ask me if i was jealous of the woman he’d chosen. he had been single for years, we’d been close, the answer was no. the women in his life, that he suspected of jealousy, were essentially mourning the moment of not being chosen. i didn’t want to be with him, but i was growing weary of singleness and becoming discouraged in the absence of my own partner.

this other fellow i know came in all casual and cool, slow in acknowledging our chemistry. we laughed, we dove into conversation, we always had a really great time. i saw his nervousness, his restraint, his curiosity, his adrenaline pumping when i was near, but i also witnessed the intoxication of his current state of comfort. i chose to let him in, give him a piece of my mind, and offer up a portion of my time. he decided to stay sedentary, watching me from the sidelines. i chose to keep on moving.

i walked through the church doors in hopes of meeting my match. casual handshakes, names exchanged, and “so glad to meet you, so very glad to meet you”. they watched me walk in, they watched me walk out, and rarely lifted their eyes to at least engage. all the printed signs spoke of a potential connection and a desire to know me, but it was taking too long… way too long. they also seemed sedentary, but they paid me no mind and didn’t even watch from the sidelines. i chose to keep on moving.

i do not hesitate to state that i have a deep desire to be chosen. it would be silly to claim otherwise. just as i’d hoped for him to be motivated by our connection enough to make a move, i desired them to be motivated by my decision to show up time & time again enough to let me in. but their hesitancy to choose has forced me to move. i continue in hope and not in desperation. i will one day find and also be found, i have no doubt. but these things take time… opportunity and action will one day align.

Barricade the road that goes Nowhere; grace me with your clear revelation.

I choose the true road to Somewhere, I post your road signs at every curve and corner.

Psalm 119:29-30

*Respost (still on sabbatical)

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  • Comments (4)
  1. Sista-friend…It’s ironic you are writing about this…I was just thinking about this yesterday. Strong in you the desire to connect young Skywalker is (in Yoda voice). I was being reminded of the overwelling love and “connection” initiated from the my God. I was reminded that His pursuit was more times than not rejected by not only myself, but by mankind as a whole. I was reminded that unconditional love is a hard road. I was reminded that I am not incomplete because some choose to not connect, but rather mournful.

    Whether for the Body, marriage, friendships…it is a difficult road we walk in seeking out connection, however other’s response don’t dictate our response. Stay strong and continue to move forward and even on when necessary dispensing love and grace to those you meet.

  2. epic verse in Psalms – right on. Great to see you back on the post game.

    • Elizabeth Gutierrez
    • February 15th, 2011

    wow Julia, this was greatly said. I love it.

  3. When a desire is present, and a partner is ‘dead’ to the action demanded to activate the dream, it always saddens me! At times these dance card relationships remind me of an abortion – the fear of letting this new life takes its course!

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