save room…

01 Dec 2006

 

 

two words linger in my thinking for hours at a time…constantly reappearing at those sparatic moments of silence.  These words could be analyzed in many ways and I have been down many roads toting them to great distances.  Capacity and Tenacity.  That’s it, just those words.  Since I was just a little princess twirling around so smiley and quite captivating…they found a name to describe me…tenacious.  Not tenacious D, but little fairy princess tenacity.  It developed and revealed itself in my teenage years more as sarcasm and sass.  Life had begun to harm me and this was my only known defense.  I was the A-student who refused to grade papers for the teachers…I wasn’t going to be their pet.  I was the strong tongued girl who never got into a fist fight, because I could talk them down…I could talk my way out of anything. 

I remember this…a pastor told my mom “your daughter is so tenacious.  You should curb that.”  My mom reponded, “no, I don’t want to break it.  God will soften it, but she’ll need it for the journey.”  Wise words mom.  Tenacity focused in towards the righteous direction is a necessary tool to following through and for complete obedience.  So He has softened me, and even though life’s harshness has never lost its intensity…I have lost my abrasiveness.  Tenacity…my favorite fairy princess gift.  I will carry it with me always=)

Capacity…I know the truth, but I often talk myself into a place of underestimation.  His grace is sufficient…truly it is.  His grace is sufficient for what He has asked of me.  I am not tired, though I say I am.  I spew these words pretending my capacity is the same as the person’s next to me, neglecting to acknowledge the obvious grace.  Here’s a scarey thought…the capacity must even increase to complete the assigned tasks.  I’ve got dreams that I am often too afraid to even envision.  The film begins to roll in my mind and I shut it down before the opening credits have opportunity to finish.  Why don’t I want to go there?  Am I afraid to stretch or am I afraid to be that…to be what I see?  Capacity has taken my attention and can no longer be neglected.  My portion is greater than my estimation and I need to make room.  I won’t take it for granted…let the stretching commence…let the stretching continue.  I won’t fear combustion.  I won’t fear the future.  My only fear is to remain the same. 

“Its best to stay in touch with both sides of an issue.  A person who fears God deals responsibly with all of reality, not just a piece of it.”

Ecclesiastes 7:18

 

Currently listening :
Once Again
By John Legend
Release date: 24 October, 2006
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